The Moon Is For Lovers: Living With Your Lunar Self

This is Part II of a 3-part series on the moon in relationships. Part I explored why the moon is the most important relationship planet. Part III will be a deep dive into each moon sign’s intimacy styles, what you need from your loved ones, and what they need more of from you.


For quick insight into your love life, skip Venus and head straight to the Moon.

As I wrote last month, the Moon – planet of personal needs, nurturing/nesting style, and your inner child – determines how you behave in your closest relationships.

You may have noticed how drastically behavior changes when you start shacking up with a sweetie (or co-habitating with a bestie). The day you leave your back-up toothbrush at her place, edges begin to blur. You throw a random temper tantrum, or she does. The fashion trends shift from sexy leopard cut-offs and high-heeled boots to PJs and bedhead. You cuddle more and reveal more and become both more familiar and more inscrutable to each other.

These are the signs that you’re moving in together – into Moon-dominant mode, that is.

For some people, this phase is the epitome of comfort. Cancers, whose ruling planet is the Moon, tend to especially gravitate toward the cozying-up security of co-habitation. Gravitating toward something doesn’t mean it’s easy, though. Even for lunar-led types who dread having to be ‘on’, moving to the Moon with another person dredges up mommy issues and infantile behaviors most of us would rather avoid. The more difficulty you have with your moon (aka feelings) in general, the more likely this stage will make you freak.

Intimacy issues are actually a big, blinking red light that you need to pause and look at your Moon.

Typical manifestations of Moon issues in a new co-living set-up:

  • Moodiness, esp. hot and cold. (“Get away from me! Wait, that’s too far!”)
  • Clinginess (“What are you doing?” “How about now?” “And now?”)
  • Deciding the relationship doesn’t work anymore – after like 25 minutes – and your explanation for why sounds suspiciously rational.
  • Going cold. Not feeling close to the other person.
  • Feeling like your sweetie is turning into your parent or your sibling.
  • Being cute together 100% of the time and sexy 0% of the time.
  • Stopping pursuit of your own goals. Feeling threatened by your sweetie’s pursuit of theirs.

Because the Moon expresses our child-selves, it’s easy to feel helpless when these issues come up. We feel too comfortable  or too small to control ourselves and the result is passivity. Our relationships can become stifling and come apart without us understanding what we could have done to change things.

Bad lunar-relationship hangovers can keep us running from love, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

A healthy relationship (therapists and besties count) is one of the most effective places for healing your inner child and learning how to handle your feelings. As the real moon waxes and wanes, your astrological moon is always open to change – it just needs some conscious guidance.

Below is a cheat sheet to your best and worst relationship selves. Check back in January for tips on how to integrate those best and worst selves into a healthy whole.

[Find your Moon sign here.]

Aries Moon
Best:
 The first to say, “I love you”, emotional dare-devil.
Worst: Self-centered do-it-alone-r.

Taurus Moon
Best: Loyal and sensual queen.
Worst: Selfish and possessive queen.

Gemini Moon
Best: A chill, play-making machine.
Worst: Nonstop, anxious chatterbox.

Cancer Moon
Best: Sweet and vulnerable mama-bear.
Worst: Manipulative nightmare.

Leo Moon
Best: Big-hearted magic-maker.
Worst: Sucks up all the emotional space.

Virgo Moon
Best: Smart and gentle healer.
Worst: Nitpicking martyr.

Libra Moon
Best: Kind and even-keeled partner-in-pleasure.
Worst: Codependent manipulator.

Scorpio Moon
Best: Deep, real, and all-in for a journey through shadows and fire.
Worst: Paranoid withholder of intimacy.

Sagittarius Moon
Best: The MacGyver of fun.
Worst: World-promising ghost-er.

Capricorn Moon
Best: As genuine as it gets, as committed as it gets, as deep as it gets.
Worst: Harsh on everyone, including self.

Aquarius Moon
Best: Brilliant in-house psychoanalyst.
Worst: Armchair partner, viewing relationship from the sidelines.

Pisces Moon
Best: Uncanny empath, bonding from the soul, accepting the other warts & all.
Worst: Selective-rememberer who refuses to be held accountable.

Images by Migueltzinta Solis.


Find out how your lunar habits tie-in with the rest of your personality (and how to help them flow together better) in a one-on-one Power reading.

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